A FEAR OF DISAPPOINTING

Is it possible we know more about ourselves than we reveal to others?  We come into masonry riding a desire to improve. We find the company appealing and receptive. Knowing we have been carefully screened changes our status. Ritual endorsement is effortless. Living up to it, with only your own accountability removes any burden. Secrets remain secret. We tell ourselves it's only us meeting expectations. What's a man to do? It's an essential question. Are we talking about the poor boy who is smarter than his environment? Is he the physicial who saved by child?  Is it the man coming to terms with his yearnings? He is 'too sensitive'. Best he sits down and keeps quiet?   Is it the man from a family of success? Who has no desire to carry on the family lineage?  The uneducated, wealthy farmer who fathered Issac Newton?  Charles Darwin did not want to be a doctor like his successful well stationed parents. Disappointments. Maybe Lord Byron, abandoned by his father, resentment toward his mother. Was disappointment the stimulant that triggered genius? If we compare, we are on that continuum of brilliance. No amount of rationalization changes it. So pardon me for sensing that there are pockets, caveats within freemasonry where the tendency is fear of a great unknown- fear of inner capacity.  Will I be liked by friends? Will I be accepted by family?  I am the priest sworn to an ethical presence, yet I violated oaths and became a Freemason. There is my secret. No one controls the narrative of life. We experience life as it occurs. No on predicts tomorrow. No one predicts death and dying.  it is what it is. More the reason to explore your fabric. Let's assume there is a surprise lingering in each of us. If you're prone to misanthropy it's unlikely you're a regular participant. Best we keep it that way. For the rest of us, have you noticed life is bittersweet. Wish you had known earlier?